I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
