it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
