finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
