Its about making memories worth repressing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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