Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
