you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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