He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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