From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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