I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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