She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize