great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
