I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
