at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
