your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
