No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
