You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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