Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
