Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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