my sisters under your porch take her home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
