do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
