Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
