im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
