i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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