STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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