Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so much tequila, so little girl.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
