haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
