Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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