didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
