It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
