you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize