Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
