wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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