True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
