just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Congratulations! We have a period
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
