I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
