I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
