yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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