My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
