Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
