I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
