the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
