Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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