He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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