That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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