Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
