he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
