Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
