how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
