So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
