I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
