first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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