i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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