She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize