Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
