He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize