So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
