im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
