Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
