How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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