Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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