Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
