that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
