I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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