who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
