At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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