He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
