I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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