i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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